What I Saw When I Closed My Eyes
When I close my eyes I can still visualize my life while incarcerated. The sounds are tangible. The images are vivid. Even the smell is present as my eyes gaze closed while seeing cell block fixtures and stone faced correctional guards.
In the eleventh year of my incarceration I was transferred from an Oklahoma private prison to Redgranite Correctional Institution in Redgranite, Wisconsin. They referred to it as The Rock in similitude to Alcatraz. It was located in East Central rural Wisconsin just southwest of Green Bay. It sat on a large natural plain of red granite stone. It was fenced in and surrounded by a large natural forest. There were no nearby houses to see. No highway with cars to watch. We were completely isolated and alone.
This facility was far from the tiers, stone cell blocks, and forty foot prison walls of Waupun back in 1992 when I first entered the Wisconsin Department of Corrections. In between those far reaching places that made up the canvas of my life for a total of fifteen years and the dreams of my heart when I closed my eyes, I found words as my Sword and Prayer. I used this sword to fight my way through the gates that imprisoned my body as well as those that attempted to encage my mind.
Redgranite was the last prison I was in. I was released on September 12, 2006. This Facility was like no other. Most of the guards had only saw African-Americans on Television or seen them once or twice while visiting a larger city like Milwaukee or Green Bay. They did not know how to relate to us. Racism was fueled by historic ignorance and a lack of understanding. I rarely socialized with other prisoners. I sat in the back of the unit almost everyday, sitting in the cubicles that allowed prisoners an opportunity to study, read or just isolate themselves. One of the few men I spoke with regularly were Chauncey Hughes and Raymond Cowan, the real Stack Bundles, the father of NY slain rapper Stack Bundles. We exchanged intellectual conversations daily and shared stories from our past lives that gave us direction toward our futures.
Chauncey was a man determined to change the course of his future. He had children that he wanted to make sure he was there for. He was intelligent and very capable of excelling in many areas of life, particularly in education. We became close friends and talked in the cubicles almost daily. Stack Bundles was a true New Yorker, an old school cat with a big city perspective. He had gotten locked up in Wisconsin passing through visiting family while hustling on the low. His son was a talented NY Rapper that was about to make it big in the music industry. His buzz was heavy and his father was very proud of him. When the news reached me of his sons murder I knew it would rock Raymond hard. He was not only intelligent and a deep thinker, but he was a man with a conscious vision and a passion for righteousness and black pride. We sat in the cubicles quite regularly and it was in those moments of clarity and thought that him and I became good friends.
Chauncey was a man determined to change the course of his future. He had children that he wanted to make sure he was there for. He was intelligent and very capable of excelling in many areas of life, particularly in education. We became close friends and talked in the cubicles almost daily. Stack Bundles was a true New Yorker, an old school cat with a big city perspective. He had gotten locked up in Wisconsin passing through visiting family while hustling on the low. His son was a talented NY Rapper that was about to make it big in the music industry. His buzz was heavy and his father was very proud of him. When the news reached me of his sons murder I knew it would rock Raymond hard. He was not only intelligent and a deep thinker, but he was a man with a conscious vision and a passion for righteousness and black pride. We sat in the cubicles quite regularly and it was in those moments of clarity and thought that him and I became good friends.
While I shot the breeze periodically with such like minded men, I sat back there mostly working on my plans for release, whenever that day would come. I had already written over 15 manuscripts, a few of which my mother published and distributed independently back home in Michigan. At Redgranite I began finalizing my business plans and goals. I had been designing fashion portfolios when I was in North Fork Correctional Facility in Sayre Oklahoma between 1998 and 2002, so I focused on completing a large body of work in this field. With my portfolio just about complete, I focused on my educational goals.
I was fortunate I had an opportunity to work as a tutor in the Education department with Dr. Robert Nash. He was a retired UW-Oshkosh professor and an absolute genius in developing alternative teaching techniques. He created Pure/Complete Phonics, a new and thorough curriculum designed to remediate dyslexia and teach English not only to dyslexics, but to non-English natives as a second language. I learned his methods and was certified by Dr. Nash as an independent instructor of Pure/Complete Phonics and a Trainer of Teachers in ESL in using SMSIP (Simultaneous Multi-Sensory Instructional Procedure). To say Dr. Nash was a genius is actually an understatement. He trained a dozen prisoners like myself in this technique and equipped us all with a high level of academic proficiency in English Language Arts. It was literally amazing to see adult men, most with elementary reading levels excel after being tutored by us, to go on to graduate with their High School Equivalency diplomas. I saw many tears from these men during graduations. I would watch their families in the audience cry with them as they would hear the names of their sons, brothers or husbands being called up to receive their diplomas. Some of these men had struggled their entire life and most came to prison with 3rd and 4th grade reading and math scores.
My eyes are wide open today, but when I do close them I see all these contradictory windows, most facing away from each other, but somehow giving me a vantage point to see through them all when I close my eyes.
Chapter 13 Verse 2 (13:2)
WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES
I still see Tombstone brick walls When I Close My Eyes
Cell block souls tattooed with sin when I hear men cry
Uniformed soldiers caress the key of our dreams
Visual nightmares haunting my sleep while awake when I scream
Green pastures visible only thru fenced in hopes
Uniformed clad slaves entrapped after smoke scream dope
Warehoused realities mirror my life in sin
Similar to correctional facilities filled with black and brown skin
Sent off to war from the front porch of ghetto street blocks of cargo souls
Pimped since birth by histories legacy of battered hoes
Left for dead by a bullet grazing mentality in the memory of gun slanging misdeeds
Encaged in prison sentences behind economical Koch greed
Escaped only by delving deep within my mind
Traveling earthbound by spirit so I was freed thru judgement in time
Never wasted a moment in time to reflect
Always writing my thoughts with prized intellect
Still counting my blessings after every step
Witnessing my arrival by prophecy of all the past and present prayers
Granted God's gift descending from my newborn heir
Now I’m awake from my Tombstone sleep
Just in time to resurrect my faith from the fruit I Reap.
